A couple of essays and things in between...

...a tiny letter in May

Hello there,

I hope you’ve been well and the second quarter has started off great for you and your loved ones.

I’m writing today for a few reasons:

First, I had a quick re-read of my letter to you in April and I sorta feel like I may have dumped all my feelings on you without asking your permission - I’m so sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, please forgive me! Okay, that’s enough yyyyys.

Moving on…

I’d like to introduce you to two short essays I’ve recently written. I do have a good feeling that you’d find them interesting…and if you do, kindly share with someone.

These essays are my thoughts on the concept of ageing and how we may best care and interact with older family members. In developing these essays, I did some analysis of two cinematic texts (Dear My Friends and I Care a Lot).

Image credit: Black Bear Pictures

Dear My Friends (Hong Jong-Chan 2016), the inspiration behind “Halmeoni wants you to call her by name”, poignantly depicts love and friendship between older people and a young writer. In this piece, I think about the struggle for identity and independence faced by older people as they enter into later life.

I Care a Lot (Blakeson, 2020) tells the story of Marla Grayson, a court appointed guardian, who makes her money from exploiting the guardianship system. Through ‘legal’ removal of incontinent and sometimes competent older people from their homes, she colludes with corrupt medical practitioners to re-house people into care homes, isolating them from their families. In The Burden of care in I Care a Lot, my thoughts circle around the practicality of care and who should care for family.

1. Halmeoni wants you to call her by name

2. The Burden of care in I Care a Lot

Lastly, I had the opportunity of presenting my research paper at a conference and I found it really exciting to talk about the connections between food and building communities through the lens of two films, Mother of George (2013) and Past Lives (2023). Community is an interesting theme and conversations around what a community means is endless, especially in times of intense migration. I believe food is a strong driver in bringing together new and existing communities and for me, anything I eat has a huge possibility of tasting better when I’m eating with my loved ones. How about you?

As always, thank you for your time.

Love,

Tomi

Dear You...

...reflections from the first quarter

Dear you who is ever patient in waiting to read from me,

In January, I wrote “Stretching” at the end of a pretty intense and fast start to the year. I was quite conscious that 2024 would come with demands but not at the pace January brought. So, I was reminded in that season of the need to increase my mental and physical capacity to accommodate the responsibilities lined up. I’m writing to tell you that since that post, it’s been thick and fast with work and more work and even more work. I have stretched to the point that I may have heard thwap! on a few occasions in my head.

In the post, I surmised January with: “I feel like I’ve run through an entire year in a few days”, and if I were being honest February felt like two years in a month and March? This kid is almost out of breath. I also did not take my own advice; I struggled to slow down and stretch and go again. Sleep, for me, was not pleasurable and only something I did when my body could not go on anymore. I also remember having a good cry one night at an empty bus stand because I felt overwhelmed and tired. It was also a beautiful moment to pray and let things off my chest – I do recommend a good cry every now and then. Afterwards, I had a decent meal, and everything felt right in the world again.

Photo by Viktor Mogilat on Pexels

However, the first quarter of the year has had the most befitting end to it – The blessing of Easter. A moment to stop, reflect and be filled with gratitude for the never-ending love of Christ that has given me the life I live today. March also ended with a couple of bank holidays which provided me with the opportunity to slow down and catch up on needed sleep and phone calls. For this, I’m extremely grateful.

Those string of phone calls led me to reconnect with friends - more vulnerably. Conversations that in time past had barely scratched the surface found a kinder layer to it - a depth I did not know how much I needed until I had it. The ever-busy nature of growing up has a way of stealing moments and memories but as Q1 wound down, I found a way to take back these memories. So, I’m treasuring all these conversations in my heart and will seek to draw from it from time to time and hopefully won’t wait till I’m empty to top up. Now more than ever, I am reminded that I am loved at home, and I only need to reach out to be embraced in that warmth and truth.

I know this is a stretching season for me so I won’t try to predict what April will look like in terms of its demands, but I think I’ll be okay.

Do take care of yourself.

Love,

Tomi :)

***

Extra reading: Each month, I publish research-related (mostly) writing on 1807intime. If you’re interested in conversations around ageing and how it’s depicted in films, please check out the very short articles below, thank you.

January: “Because this is my first life”: On the nostalgia of ageing

February: Somewhere I belong: Remembering institutionalism from The Shawshank Redemption

March: Paradise Falls: A place where paradise falls

Stretching...

...thwap!

As a kid I used to believe that wearing rubber bands could drain my blood. If you grew up in Nigeria, this thought might sound familiar as someone older (most likely) probably planted this fear to dissuade you from wearing those large, coloured elastic bands around your wrist. Now that I’m older, I’m aware that rubber bands are not blood-sucking demons, but when tightly worn, they do foster the feeling of numbness around the wrist which is in fact not good for the nerves. So maybe, our folks did have a point after all.

Anyway, I loved rubber bands and pretty much anything elastic because of the snap back effect it had. Don’t ask me why, but I just liked hearing the thwap sound that echoed as a thing returned to its original state.

When I consider the ability of a rubber band to stretch around reasonably bigger objects and snap back into form when taken off, I think about the demands on my mind and body ahead of 2024. As I outlined my goals at the start of the year, I was terrified by my workload. There was little or no wriggle room to push back on some assignments due to the urgency placed on them – by me and external factors. I imagine this is a familiar for most people – everything, everywhere, all at once!  

Realising that my workload isn’t going anywhere has left me with one thought and a new approach: the need to stretch.

Photo by Chermiti Mohamed: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-black-leggings-3049225/

When reflecting on my 2023 and its hectic pacing, I could have sworn that no year will top it. But now that we’re at the end of January 2024, I feel like I’ve run through an entire year in a few days. But still, stretch I must.

So, I have found it useful to categorise my enormous workload based on priorities into the year’s quarter. It doesn’t make the volume of the work reduce, but it makes the process leaner and more efficient. That way, I can look forward to successfully completing a task, reward myself, and feel refreshed to take on the next task.

For all the elasticity of a rubber band, sometimes the stretching reaches its breaking point, and it breaks in two. To avoid reaching our breaking point, we must recognise that we’re limited in physical resource. Also, we should recognise that to remain reasonably productive, it’s important to ruthlessly eliminate activities that drain our bodies and minds with little or no benefit from it. For someone this might look like cutting down on mindlessly scrolling through social media and for another, it might involve some distance away from unprofitable influences. As you clean up your house, there’ll be room for more. It’s only important not to replace one dross with another.

I’m looking forward to stretching and matching the demands ahead of me this year, and it’s a good thing. I hope you do too. But I hope we all remember to be kind to ourselves in the process. Whatever kindness to self looks like for you - be it rewarding yourself with a bar of chocolate, longer Saturday nap, movie night with friends at the end of the week – just do it and thank yourself.

Life is fast, so slow down, stretch and go again.

***

Extra: Are in the mood for a quick read? Check out my post on the nostalgia of ageing here.

What happened to Letters & Portraits this year?

...here's my 2023 recap

Photo: Tomi Adesina

Hi,

I hope you’re well and have had a good year…so far.

I’m sorry to have introduced you to a vibe that I didn’t keep up with. No podcasts, no newsletters – honestly, that’s not like me, and I did beat myself quite well about this, but I also think if I told you about it, maybe that’ll give us some closure for the year.

I wrote the intended first newsletter draft of the year in February as a late “Happy New Year” post and recorded the podcast because the first month of the year was hectic for me. In January, I was swamped in publicity and communications for the film, The Wait. As the writer of the film, I had tonnes of messages and PR to sort through and that meant I needed to push back the podcast and newsletter, but I had anticipated that the flurry would be done in February, and I could settle back into routine.

My prediction was correct.

The Wait

In February, I wrote and recorded the podcast episode for “All Things Bright and Beautiful” and was all set to get back into the bi-monthly newsletter and podcast rhythm when momentum around #NigeriaDecides2023 started building. The events were tense and I did not feel it was the right time to publish my newsletter – it just didn’t feel like the sensitive thing to do. In this period, I also put off the launch of my first audiobook partnership with Genti Media.

Perhaps this was not the right thing to do, but that was my gut feeling.

In March, after the elections, Genti released Fola King as an audiobook and I recommend that you listen to it – I did enjoy the voicing of Fola King’s character and if you’ve read the blog series on Tommyslav’s Island, you might find this great to listen to.

Fola King, Audiobook.

As I journeyed through March to June, I was up against prepping for a car driving test, dealing with some not-so-great health stress, reading, researching and writing to make the submission deadline for my first-year doctoral studies portfolio, attending classes, juggling corporate responsibilities at the office, and slowly…there was no time in my packed life to write or think about my newsletter and podcast. The only thing I consistently found time to do was pray and keep a gratitude journal, which I spoke about last year in the post ‘Where do the years go?’ (podcast) – Befitting topic, right?

I was also constantly beating myself up about disappointing my audience and with every message I got via Instagram, Twitter or even WhatsApp from those who had my number, it just made things worse.

I finally took a physical break and vacation in July when I separated myself from my laptop and the other demands of work to catch up on life with my loved ones. July was a beauty and a personally blessed month. Needless to say, no writing or podcasting in that season.

I returned to reality after the summer break and settled into the routine of competing demands and deadlines. School, office, research, tonnes of emails, rinse and repeat. Love it!

It’s November and my orderly brain says this post is more suited for December because it ties in nicely to the end of the year. But then, why not now?  The only way to get back into anything is to break the duck.

As a result, I have released the two pre-recorded podcast episodes, “All Things Bright and Beautiful” and “Fireflies” for this year. They are now live on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and Amazon Music – I hope you enjoy them.

So, if you’re reading this, either at the start or in the middle and maybe even during the last bit of your day, thank you for staying with me.

P.S: I recorded Fireflies back in May 2023

Love,

Tomi

Bonus material: Watch me talk about my PhD research at the University of Exeter.

Thank you

...for being a part of my year.

At the start of the year, I ventured into uncharted territories and maybe that’s what a new year is all about – new things. Or maybe a new and improved way of doing old things. Either way, I had and still have fresh experiences thanks to 2022.

Thank you for listening to Letters & Portraits

Today, I am thanking you for reading my substack newsletter and making the experience worthwhile. I’ve enjoyed writing again this year, even though it’s not been a lot of creative work but in learning to walk again, I got back into consistent scribbling and that, for me, is a win.

It won’t have been possible without your amazing comments, likes, shares and just presence, you know? It’s a privilege and blessing to have people on the listening end of your mindful rambling.

Most of you are aware of my podcast, Letters & Portraits, and it compliments this substack page with audio chats of these things I write about. I hope you’ve had a good time listening this year. In the last episode for the year, which you can listen to by clicking on any of the links I’ve added to this post, I talk about the year I’ve had and most importantly, I thank you for being a part of it – so I hope you listen.

As I sign off for the year and look for opportunities to recharge my batteries, I say thank you once again and wish you a wonderful Christmas.

Love,

Tomi xx